"Every OS Sucks" 

I come from a time in the nineteen-hundred and seventies 
when computers were used for two things: To go to the moon, or play Pong. 
You didn't need a fancy operating system to play pong, 
and the men who went to the moon, God bless 'em did it with no 
mouse, and a plain Text-Only Black and White screen and thirty-two kilobytes of RAM 

Then 'round about the late 70s, Home Computers started to do more than play pong. Very little more. 
Why computers started to play games, balance checkbooks 
Why you could play Zaxxon on your Apple II or 
write a book, all with a computer that had thirty-two kilobytes of ram. 
If it was enough to go to the moon, it was enough for you 

It was a golden time. A time before Windows; 
a time before mouses; 
a time before the internet and bloatware; 
and a time before every OS Sucked 
(noises of pleasure) 

Well, way back in the olden days 
My computer worked for me 
I'd laugh and play all night and day on Zork I, II and III. 

Then XEROX made a prototype; 
Steve Jobs came on the scene 
Read of mice and menus, windows, icons 
a Trash and a Bitmap Screen 
Old Stevie said to XEROX 
"Boys, turn your heads and cough." 
...and when no-one was looking he ripped their interfaces off! 

Stole every feature that he had seen, 
put it in a cute box with a tiny little screen; 
MacOS 1 ran that machine, 
only cost five thousand bucks. 

Well it was slow, it was buggy so they wrote it again, 
and now they're up to OS X 
They'll charge you for the beta then charge you again, 
but the MacOS still sucks. 

Chorus: 
Every OS wastes your time from the Desktop to the Lap 
Everything since AppleDOS is just a bunch of crap 
From Microsoft to Macintosh to Lin-line-lin-line-ucks 
Every computer crashes, 'cause every OS sucks 

Well then Microsoft jumped in the game, 
copied Apple's Interface with an OS named Windows 3.1 
It was twice as lame but the stock price rose and rose 
Then Windows 95 then '98, man, Solitare never ran so great 
and every version came out late but I guess that's the way it goes 

but that bloatware will crash and delete your work! 
NT, ME, man, none of them work! 
Bill Gates may be richer than Captain Kirk 
but the Windows OS blows (it blows and blows) and sucks, at the same time! 

I'd trade it in (yeah right, for what? 
It's top of the line, from the Compu Hut 
The Fridge, Stove and Toaster never crash on me. 
I should be able to get online without a PHd. 


My phone doesn't take a week to boot it 
My TV doesn't crash when I mute it 
I miss ASCII Text and my floppy drive 
I wish VIC 20 were still alive... 
...but it ain't the hardware, man! 
...it's just that every OS sucks (and blows) 

Now there's Linnucks or Lineucks, 
I don't know how you say it 
Or how you install it or use it or play it. 
or where you download it or what programs run, 
but Linnucks or Lineucks don't look like much fun. 

However you say it, it's getting great press 
...but how it survives is any one's guess 
If you ask me, it's a great big mess for elitist nerdy schmucks. 

"It's free!" they say 
...if you can get it to run 
The geeks say "Hey, that's half the fun!" 
...but I've got a girlfriend and things to get done 
The Linux OS SUCKS! 
I'm sorry to say it, but it does. 

Chorus: 
Every OS wastes your time, from the desktop to the lap 
Everything since the abacus, is just a bunch of crap 
From Microsoft to Macintosh to Lin-Line-Lin-Line-ucks 
Every computer crashes, 'cause every OS sucks 
Every computer crashes, 'cause every OS sucks! 

Fin